edit: forgot to write that I this would be in the style if I was intending to submit it to Lives from the NYT
Worlds of Fun
Worlds of Fun
by Jordan Rickard
Jordan is 15 and he was going to Worlds of Fun. His mom was driving and his brother Jason and Jason’s girlfriend Liz were in the car with him. They were going to pick up his friend Justin. Jordan is me or was me, and will later become me. I write it this way because the person in the story is Jordan Rickard, but he is no longer me. I can see the van and there’s Jordan in the back seat. He sure is excited to go to Worlds of Fun.
Very little was being said in the car. Jordan might have been listening to the minor chitchat between his brother and Liz, but I don’t remember them saying anything. Jordan was sitting in the backseat and staring out the windows as the Raytheon base slid by. I think about Jordan’s fixation on the Raytheon base that day because Raytheon would eventually leave Wichita and build planes in France in collaboration with Air Bus. Jordan didn’t know this yet, and no one else in Wichita would see it coming.
Mom rolled through the stop sign at Kellogg and Webb but didn’t take the right towards the turnpike. Jason and I know how to drive to World’s of Fun, but Jordan didn’t so he didn’t notice when Jason gave Mom a questioning look.
“Jordan, can’t we get to Justin’s house by I-35?” asked Jason. I don’t know where Justin lives now, but his old house is right off of I-35.
“I’m not sure,” said Jordan. “It’s on Andover Road.”
Jason looked at Mom and she sighed. She took the next right into a strip mall. The purple van parked in front of the Play-It-Again Sports, which looked closed.
“You can just pull a u-turn and get back to 1-35,” said Jason. He looked at Liz and she nodded without saying anything. I think that’s why they got along for so many years. He liked nods of approval and she wanted some one to follow and agree with. Jordan just thought Jason was too good for her.
“I know how to get Kansas City, Jason,” said Mom as she turned off the engine.
“Should I call Justin and say we’ll be late?” asked Jordan.
“Maybe, just let me talk for a minute,” said Mom. Jordan thought he was going to Worlds of Fun. What’s the catch? I know now, but he wouldn’t have been able to guess. She awkwardly turned tried to turn around at us while staying seated.
“I’m divorcing your father,” said Mom. I notice now how she never called him your father until that moment, but she would continue to do so afterwards.
She probably said more. I’m sure she went into an explanation before she let Jason or I try to get a word in, but those words are the only ones that mattered because Jordan didn’t care if she was unhappy or that his dad had become completely unresponsive. Jordan had smelled the smoke, but just now realized that the house was burning down. It didn’t seem that meaningful and poetic to Jordan, but it is to me and was to Jordan if you ask me about it now.
If you ask me about it now I will tell you the dance my parents had done for years where my mom sold houses and my dad stayed in the office so they wouldn’t have to talk at work. I’ll tell my closest friends or people who have never met my family how Dad would spend hours in his underwear watching TV in bed. How Mom always left his dinner in the fridge and he would come and eat after Jason and I had gone to bed.
I understand why. I really do, but Jordan did not. Jordan just knew that he couldn’t catch his breath. He sat and gasped quietly in the back seat. He couldn’t even begin to think about what the implications of this were. Would he move? Would he have to choose one of his parents? Most importantly, why can’t he catch his breath? I remember Jordan breathing heavy for minutes while it may have just been a few seconds or even just one. One second where your lungs can’t seem to fill your chest and you can’t think of what the next move is.
Jason was angry. He began to rant and demand answers from Mom. He was angry about being told this in front of Play-It-Again Sports while on the way to Worlds of Fun. I think anger is a luxury. Anger is something you can afford to have when your girlfriend is holding your hand and you’re heading off to college next year. This became his speech to the entire office before he was fired and went to enjoy his pension. Finally, Jason asked a question that Jordan actually wanted to hear.
“Does Dad know?” asked Jason. Jordan couldn’t see his eyes as he looked at her, but I’ve seen that look of contempt now too and it sears but won’t cauterize.
“I told him to meet a new client at the office before we left.” said Mom. She had turned back forward and looked through the windshield. Jason snorted.
“What does that mean?” asked Jordan.
“I’m having someone meet him there to give him the papers,” she said. Jason snorted louder. Mom turned around and looked at him. Jason stared at her but spoke to Jordan.
“It means she’s having him served,” said Jason. Jordan knew what that meant. He watched television. I now associate this action with real people, but Jordan thought it was something that celebrities did to each other. Not parents who hadn’t cheated on each other or hit each other. I still haven’t heard that any of that happened, but now I think it may have been somehow crueler. Years of the silent treatment while sleeping on the same king size mattress every night.
“Where’s Dad going to stay?” asked Jason after a few moments.
“He has today to get some of his stuff out of the house, and after that he’ll have to make appointments,” said Mom. “He can stay at the office or one of his rentals.”
I still wonder why he was forced out of the house and why she didn’t have to leave. What would have happened if Dad had refused to sign the papers when the “new client” had given him the forms? I won’t ask either of my parents and it would seem like weird real life foreshadowing if I were to do too much research on my own.
“Do you still want to go to Worlds of Fun?” asked Mom. Jordan still did, but not because of roller coasters or overpriced soft drinks. Jordan didn’t want to have to call Justin and tell him they couldn’t take the trip as planned because Jordan’s mom was divorcing his dad. Jordan thought Worlds of Fun would be the almost surreal escape from this mess, if just for the afternoon.
“No, I want to be with Dad on his last day in the house,” said Jason. Perhaps Jason realized the torture it would be to sit in metal chairs and yell whoopee as the world spun around you and know that Dad was off packing his things. The world spins enough on its own.
“What about you, Jordan?” asked Mom. Jason looked at me.
“I don’t want to go to Worlds of Fun anymore,” I said.
When Jordan might have said yes, I said no. My Mom and Dad are happier now. My Dad still brags and glows when he talks about how we wouldn’t abandon him on the day he got divorced. Jordan would have, but I wouldn’t.
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteThis is a really creative approach to topic that is pretty commonly written about. I really appreciate the creativity and think that it can only get stronger as you begin to revise it.
However, at times I got a little confused because you would be describing a situation in the past tense while interjecting with the present tense “I”. I think that this can work but needs to be finessed in order for the piece to flow more. Really, I want the two voices to work well together since the ending is so strong and is kind of like an emotional gut-punch.
I think I’d also like to see a little bit more of the Jordan voice’s emotional reaction to the fact that his mother is telling him about the divorce in a parking lot with his brother’s girlfriend in the backseat. It’s sort of a strange set of circumstances and I’d like to see more of the emotion that goes along with that situation.
And lastly, maybe this is nit-picky and I’m not totally sure what the protocol is on stuff like this, but there were a lot of J-names in this piece and I found myself having to reread sentences because I wasn’t sure which J-name’s actions I was reacting to.
Anyway, that’s a tiny issue. This is a great piece. Look forward to reading more.
-Lauren
I really like the way you set up your essay. From the title, to the Raytheon base, to the general sense of having no direction.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I also had a hard time following the different people featured in the essay. I forgot that Liz existed until I reread it this morning. I think if you can just make sure all the first-person and third-person is really solid it will help immensely. That said, I like it, and I think you do a good job setting it up.
I think what I like most about your essay is that it leaves us thinking about what separates Jordan from you. A lot of other essays in our class (including my own) we're putting all of our emotions on the table, yet you leave me wondering quite a bit about what happens in that span between childhood and now that makes you think differently.
Good stuff!
Alex
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteThis piece was a lot of fun to read, despite the heavy topic. You play with form and voice, which was great because it reminded me that we are still writing creative work. I think sometimes writers get bogged down in the conventions of their form and forget that writing can be playful and fun.
I agree with Lauren about the difficulty of dealing with two "I" Jordans. I enjoyed the complexity of the idea, but you need to work on making it clearer to readers which Jordan is narrating each section.
Though this is a personal essay with a focus on you, I felt that the other characters lacked some depth. Since most of your family members are central to the essay, I would like to see further development of them. What are their motivations, and why do they act the way they do? You do give some very poignant descriptions of family members, like the "dance" that your parents do and the reason why Jason liked Liz so much. Maybe I just want to know more because I thought the story was fascinating and you actually have enough details about your family. We'll see what the others think.
Oh, by the way, what the hell is Worlds of Fun? It sounds like a bounce land on crack.
Jordan, you've picked an unconventional but interesting way of beginning this piece. I'm not sure if the point of view is working for me, but I look forward to hearing what the rest of the group thinks. I worry that telling it from the 3rd person limits some narration and perspective/insight.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I totally understand the significance or placement of this line: "This became his speech to the entire office before he was fired and went to enjoy his pension."
It seems like you take your Dad's side in the divorce? Why? Did it have to do with the way your mom broke the news to you, your brother, and to him? How/Where do things stand now?
The change I see in this piece is between Jordan and who jordan was; you make that very clear. But I'm wondering if the divorce is what changed you? Or was it something else entirely that allowed you to see the divorce differently? I'm not convinced either way. Is there one particular moment or conversation that shifts your personality/character?
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI thought the way you wrote this piece in third person and first person was really interesting. It shows how you have grown and now you can analyze the situation more than you could when it was happening. I thought it was a good way to show the distinction.
I'm curious about Jordan's initial reaction to the news of the divorce and your dad getting served. You mention that getting served didn't seem like something that was supposed to happen between your parents and you wonder why it had to be that way, but what was Jordan really thinking? I'm also curious about your mom. It seems like breaking this news to her sons should be a very private matter but your brother's girlfriend was in the car. Was that awkward? I imagine that it would be but maybe she was part of the family.
Can't wait to workshop,
Kristin
I was really touched by this piece.
ReplyDeleteMore or less everything I wanted to say about your piece has been written already, but I'd like to echo some of the thoughts about the choice in narration.
I found the somewhat disjuncted nature of the narration very challenging to understand, and I wasn't clear on the present day "I" and how it feels about this situation. Is Jordan the innocent child and is "I" the post-divorce hardened subject? This would have helped me more, but at the same time I feel that you made this choice work.
Thanks for sharing.